The Top 15 Signs It''s Time to Abandon Your Space Station ...

15) Breakfast, lunch & dinner, every day -- Van DeCamp''s Pork-and-Beans-in-a-tube.

14) "Dear Dmitri: We at Mutual of Kazakhstan regret to inform you of the cancellation of your insurance policy..."

13) Ship''s computer calmly says, "I don''t know what air leak you''re   talking about, Comrade Dave."

12) The Benetton and the Starbucks were bad enough, but that new yuppie cigar bar is really stinkin'' up the place.

11) Ever since Joel left the show, it just hasn''t been as funny.

10) Latest addition to the onboard crew? Some French guy who brought 200 cartons of cigarettes.

9) Mission Control announces they''re going to attempt a tricky   docking maneuver with the Space Shuttle Kevorkian.

8) Space station''s warranty expired 3,834,621 miles ago.

7) Tang and Stoli screwdrivers have lost their kick.

6) The damage is repairable, but ever since the collision, "Comrade Wussky" has been shrieking nonstop.

5) After several days of low oxygen, you''re starting to give serious consideration to Cosmonaut Andrei''s offer to join the "Hundred Mile High" club.

4) It''s down to just you and Sigourney Weaver.

3) Old ladies swatting at you with rakes from their roof tops.

2) Spice Girls on the holodeck.

and the Number 1 Sign It''s Time to Abandon Your Space Station...

1) That last little collision not only set off the emergency warning, it ruined the last of your clean boxer shorts.